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how much has changed
white people can do dreds
i just can't get over how much has changed. wasn't it only a few months ago i said i wasn't remotely interested in dating? the thing with craig is that it doesn't feel like dating. it just feels like living.

his days off fall over this coming weekend, so we're trying to decide what to do. i want to get out of town, but he's been working such long, hard hours that he says he doesn't want to expend any energy into going anywhere. i understand that. i do. maybe we could take a day trip down to puerto nuevo for a change of pace, but then sleep in our own bed that night. correction: my bed. it hasn't been long enough to consider it "ours." dogs aren't allowed in his apartment building, so we spend all our time together at my home, which both craig and chester seem to enjoy. so maybe chester's just a dog, but i think he was having some father-figure issues all these years, because since craig's been around, chester's become even more confident and more friendly and more obedient. i didn't think it was possible, because he was always such a good dog. but having a guy around seems to be improving chester's self-confidence. i have a strange feeling i'm anthropomorphizing my dog a little too much here, but i can't help it.

in addition to the changes i've gone through over the past few months with moving back home and "starting over," i'm thinking of some career changes. i've been working as a consultant for so long and i enjoy working for myself, but i'm also having some extreme boredom. i'm thinking of cutting back on the projects a bit and maybe doing some teaching. i've never taught, though, and of course i'm afraid that i'd be awful at it. but i won't know unless i try...but who would hire me without experience? i have done presentations and spoken at conferences, so i suppose that would count as experience. i don't have an updated c.v., either. so there's that work to be done. i should probably make a to do list and start plugging away at the items on it in order to make sure i reach these new professional goals. as driven as i've always been professionally, part of me wants to pull all of my money out of my retirement account, quit all of my projects, and just be a bum for a few years until i need money again. i could do it and believe me, it's a very tempting notion. i could travel the country and do it for fun, not for work. i'd probably see an entirely different side of the usa than i've experienced before.

or i could just spend all day every day doing what i love most around here -- early morning walks at the beach with my dog, spending time swimming in the pool, and reading good books. maybe i'll learn to windsurf or sail. i think this unexpected relationship with craig has me realizing that life doesn't have to be boring and planned out ahead of time. i can do what i want when i want, if i really want to. the world is my oyster. the more i think about it, the more i'm drawn toward spending some time just being me and just living life. i spent so many years living for other people -- first for dave, then for his parents, then for jilly -- that maybe now is time to throw all caution to the wind and do whatever the hell i want to do as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, including either the present or future me.


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